horse

if you do work in an office i hope not to offend but i haven’t seen daylight since yesterday. i should be less lazy and go out at lunch , i suppose, but it’s not much lighter in the open air. i am unemployed. so if you’re reading this you can give me a job. i will do: acting, cabaret, foodtastings for kings and other royalty, smuggling and piracy (but only the old fashioned type with parrots involved, not like selling DVDs down whitechapel road), nuisance phonecalls to your enemies on a commision basis. or i will write you a story and come round your house and tell it to you while you go to sleep. no really. i really do that. you can choose off a story menu or ask for bespoke.you can just call me 07815 719 997.

now i have finished work the fun can begin in earnest!i feel like a bit of a saddo having a holiday on my own, but everyone’s busy so packed my knapsack and got out there. it’s actually not too hard getting around on public transport, i went to hollywood boulevard again as i really wanted to see it in the daylight- glad i did i saw two batmen and a marilyn monroe having an arguement outside the chinese theatre. then i went to downtown, to this cute-but-touristy Olvera Street which is where LA started with some spanish bloke and his pony. then to Chinatown.then i went back to hollywood to see “I am Legend” at the Chinese Theatre.as i managed today without being mown down, i am going to try to make it to the farmers market tomorrow. it’s been raining, and the main danger seems to be that my boots have no grip, which means i made my entrance into the cinema by skidding across the foyer. i just acted like that ’s what all british people do.

now i have finished work the fun can begin in earnest!i feel like a bit of a saddo having a holiday on my own, but everyone’s busy so packed my knapsack and got out there. it’s actually not too hard getting around on public transport, i went to hollywood boulevard again as i really wanted to see it in the daylight- glad i did i saw two batmen and a marilyn monroe having an arguement outside the chinese theatre. then i went to downtown, to this cute-but-touristy Olvera Street which is where LA started with some spanish bloke and his pony. then to Chinatown.then i went back to hollywood to see “I am Legend” at the Chinese Theatre.as i managed today without being mown down, i am going to try to make it to the farmers market tomorrow. it’s been raining, and the main danger seems to be that my boots have no grip, which means i made my entrance into the cinema by skidding across the foyer. i just acted like that ’s what all british people do.

went to see richard hawley last night at the troubadour with jake jo and craig BRILLIANT, apparently where tom waites was discovered on open mike night. i had a bad day yesterday, i wanted to go home, and had that thing when you know you should be having a great time and you’re just not.if you can’t have a good time in LA i said to meself then there is something wrong with you. but hawley and the lovely company cheered me up. the club was in beverly hills i think although i am never quite sure where i am! everywhere here sounds mythical to me, i might as well b in atlantis or narnia. it wouldn’t surprise me if the animals started talking it’s that mad. i met a man outside the toilet called sean who was working as a cameraman on jamie foxx’s new film.today i am attempting to get a bus to sant monica. i bet it’s just me and a load of talking chickens in a truck.

i discovered, on graeme rose’s birthday as we decided to cruise down the old hollywood boulevard, that my hands are the same size as bette davis and my feet are the same size as arnold schwarzenegger. it was freaky, all the ladies had incredibly small feet, maybe it’s the dieting, all the fat get used up in your feet. but that wouldn’t work lengthways would it?maybe they still do footbinding in hollywood, but noone talks about it. anyway it was great doing the tourist thing an saying stuff like, look! look! there’s big bird! there’s elizabeth taylor! of course i mean there pink stars not actually them. i haven’t seen anyone famous yet. only gordon ramsey and the woman off extras. but i saw star last night s i looked through the telescope in griffith park. excellent.

in the name of love. us in the desert

yesterday i went to joshua tree national park. we walked through a field of cacti and watched the sunset. pretty good. i remembered when i was little my mum asking me what i wanted to be and i said “american” she said “o no they’ve got awful accents” funny what you remember. i also wanted to be a nun and a vet, now look where i am. oo the follies of childhood. am gradually working out that there is a public transport system, for losers like me. there is also a place where you can denote your old used cars to be donated to poor people. i have loitered outside, then i remembered i can’t drive. everyone that works in the skirball is lovely, and they all have these amazing stories, and seem to work 24 hours a day, there is a security guard called stephanie who only seems to sleep in her lunch break as she has a day job and a night job. despite this she is gorgeous and looks about 30. and she has a 37 year old son. must be the californian sunshine. speaking of which- there is lots of sun here, but it continues to be freezing. i walk everywhere with a blanket on and have taken to call myself ” little bear running blanket” there are 94 elvis impersonators in the city.there are more elvis impersonators than members of the hollywood and los angeles pagan and witches group. i am learning..

here i am- the flight was 11 hours! i watched four films (blades of glory, the counterfeiters, mighty heart,eagle v. shark) and ate continuously- heaven- then got a taxi from the airport to my apartment that took 2 1/2 hours o my god this place is so huge!i woke up at half five this morning and watched the sunrise we have a great view over the valley. it’s cold at night and in the mornings but today it was in the 80’s! i went into the skirball centre today where i will be working but don’t start work until tomorrow- it’s a great space- and then my friends drove me the whole length of mulholland drive and i saw the hollywood sign which is endearingly wonky. tonight we stayed in and had dinner. i think it’s going to me tricky for me not driving as it is impossible to get around without a car so i will have to depend on everyone else for getting around and also where i will be able to visit- they’ve already been here for a week so have visited sunset boulevard and the hollywood walk of fame. i am in a strange room underneath the house. i am trying to make it a bit nicer with scented candles.can’t believe i am here…

go you have to do loads of stuff when you’re at home. it’s hard. it’s easy being on tour because all you have to worry about is luggage allowance and packing. i’m knackered from going through my in tray.going to copenhagen friday. must remember to pack more than socks.